


Child Proof.

by orphan_account



Category: Glee
Genre: Embarrassment, Established Relationship, Fluff and Humor, Future Fic, M/M, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-06 01:48:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21218558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Kurt and Blaine find Tracy playing with a toy that definitely does not belong to her.





	Child Proof.

Kurt’s flipping pancakes at the stove, humming along to the lively music playing through the sound system in their kitchen and smiling at the sounds of Tracy playing with her toys in the living room when a strong pair of arms slide around his waist from behind.

Kurt giggles - and _God_, he’s thirty-one but Blaine still makes his heart feel hopelessly giddy and it’s just one of _those_ mornings - as Blaine nuzzles his face between Kurt’s shoulder blades, nipping playfully at his neck with soft lips, warm breath and a goofy smile on his face that Kurt can feel against his skin.

“Mmm, morning handsome,” Blaine whispers into Kurt’s ear, his voice soft and filled with enthusiastic wonder as it so often gets on warm Saturday mornings when they have the entire day ahead of them unscheduled, free to spend it in whatever way they please as a family.

Kurt doesn't pause his humming to reply, instead breaking into song loudly, gripping Blaine’s forearms where they’re wrapped around his stomach and swaying him to the beat, rocking his hips from side to side in over dramatic motions until Blaine throws his head back and laughs, the sound ringing beautifully in Kurt’s ears as Blaine dances with him.

Blaine intertwines their fingers and lifts one arm above Kurt’s head, twirling him around and pressing their chests together as Kurt’s arms fall around his neck. There’s a delightful twinkle in his eye that Kurt adores, a sight that makes his stomach ache with fondness because he only sees it shine when Blaine’s at his happiest.

Then Blaine’s leaning toward him, cupping Kurt’s waist with one hand and his jaw with the other, tipping Kurt’s head back to kiss his lips gently and sighing when Kurt parts his mouth easily under his. The kiss tastes like toothpaste and a swirling suspicion of chocolate that leads Kurt to believe Blaine stole some of his chocolate chips from the bowl on the counter before sneaking up on him.

Kurt giggles breathlessly when Blaine backs him into the stove, pulling off Kurt’s mouth and moving to suck hungrily at his jaw.

“Careful, you’re going to burn my backside off.”

“Mmm, that would be a true tragedy,” Blaine drawls warmly in his ear, sliding his hands down Kurt’s back and fitting his palms to the shape of his ass, squeezing a globe in each hand.

Kurt swats at his shoulder, unable to stop his grin from spreading ridiculously wide across his face, but he decides he doesn't really care when Blaine rubs their noses together, a matching grin splitting across his cheeks, slightly crooked teeth dazzling.

“Easy tiger. Stop groping me and go say good morning to your daughter,” Kurt teases, chuckling when Blaine gives a teasing pout.

“You’re no fun.”

“_Go_,” Kurt pushes at him, his heart fluttering warmly when Blaine pecks his cheek and mutters a joyful, “Love you,” before dancing away in a movement that makes him look absolutely idiotic, and Kurt _loves it_.

He turns back to the stove and rolls his eyes fondly when he realizes the pancake has burnt. He’s almost finished pouring a new round of batter into the sizzling pan when he hears Blaine mutter softly. 

“What the _hell_?”

“_Blaine_,” Kurt groans, whipping around immediately. Kurt’s adamant about not swearing in front of Tracy, even with Blaine’s protests of “_Does anyone actually consider hell a swear word, Kurt_?”. Blaine’s usually pretty considerate of that rule, but he slips up more often than Kurt would like, and more often than he will admit when Kurt brings it to his attention.

“Uh, Kurt, you might want to come here.”

Kurt furrows his eyebrows at the startled tone of Blaine’s voice, his body frozen in place between the kitchen and the living room.

“What?” he asks, walking to Blaine’s side and surveying the living room where Tracy sits on the floor in a mess of toys sprawled around her.

And then he spots it. 

Nestled between Tracy’s barbies, where she’s setting them up in a row for her favorite game: _fashion show_, is a dildo. A nine inch purple silicone dildo, to be exact. _Their_ dildo. Kurt’s _favorite_ dildo.

His stomach seems to be in competition with the blush that heats his face at rapid speed, dropping so fast Kurt feels a little dizzy.

“_Holy fu-_”

Blaine slaps a hand over Kurt’s mouth with a pointed look, and it’s only then that Tracy glances up from her toys and notices her Daddies are gaping at her, eyes wide and owlish.

“Morning Papa, morning Daddy,” she says happily, combing through one of her barbies hair, her tiny fingers working swiftly to brush out the knots. Blaine makes a strangled noise in his throat that he tries to play off as a cough and Kurt rolls his eyes, swatting Blaine’s hand away from his face. 

“Morning, Baby,” Kurt says, and Blaine snorts when his voice comes out high pitched and cracked, which earns him a withering glare from Kurt. “Uh, what you got there, Trace?” Kurt asks carefully after he clears his throat with some difficulty.

“My barbies!” Tracy gestures excitedly to the dolls in front of her and Blaine suppresses another choked sound that sounds vaguely like a dying animal.

Kurt looks at him frantically. “_Help me, please_,” he mouths, and Blaine’s eyes widen further as he shrugs his shoulders helplessly. Kurt’s about to roll his eyes again when Blaine drops to his knees suddenly, shuffling towards Tracy.

“Your barbies look very lovely today, Trace.”

Tracy beams. “Thank you, Daddy!”

“Um, can you tell me…what’s this one?” Blaine points hesitantly to the center of Tracy’s line up.

“Oh, that one,” Tracy says cheerfully, and both Blaine and Kurt let out a scream when she picks up the cock, and _oh my god their daughter is holding a cock. A cock that’s been in both of their asses._

Tracy drops it immediately, her small eyebrows pinching together in confusion at the alarmed expression of her Daddies. There’s an awkward moment where the three of them stare at each other in complete silence before Tracy says softly, almost timidly, “It’s their alien friend.”

Blaine gazes up at Kurt from his position on the floor with a bewildered look on his face, a look Kurt can tell means he’s about to burst out laughing any minute, and _oh_, Kurt should really stop looking at him because if Blaine loses it, he will, too. 

Tracy on the other hand, looks on the verge of tears, so Kurt scrubs his hands down his face and inhales deeply before dropping to the floor and settling near Tracy, running his hands soothingly through her hair and swallowing his embarrassment. 

“Where’d you find your alien friend, sweetie?”

“In your’s and Daddy’s room,” Tracy answers sheepishly, looking ashamed. Kurt pulls her gently onto his lap, eyes flicking over to find Blaine biting hard on a knuckle to stifle his laughter, his shoulders shaking silently.

“Were you looking through our drawers?” Kurt asks calmly, rubbing a hand up Tracy’s back. She shakes her head.

“Uh uh, Papa. It was in the bathtub.”

Kurt’s hand stills. There’s no way in hell he would _ever_ leave one of their toys in the tub, which means…

Kurt glances over at Blaine with his eyebrows raised, and it’s his turn to smirk when he sees the magnificent maroon color flooding Blaine’s face, his mouth fixed open and his torso stiff.

“Did I do something wrong, Papa?” Tracy asks innocently, eyes wide with concern and Kurt’s heart melts.

“No, sweetie, you didn’t do anything wrong,” Kurt assures her, sweeping a fallen curl out of her eyes, his lips crinkling into a smile when she reaches out to fiddle with the neckline of his shirt.

Blaine, to all his credit, finally decides to be useful, picking up the dildo and scooting closer to where Tracy is wrapped in Kurt’s arms. “You know how you have barbies that are extra special, Trace?”

Tracy nods. “Like Elizabeth.”

Blaine and Kurt share an adoring smile, remembering the day Tracy announced she was naming her favorite barbie after her Papa.

“Right,” Blaine grins, picking up Elizabeth and handing her to Tracy, who smooths down her dress and holds her tightly in her arms. “Well, this is one of Papa and mine’s special toys and that means we want to take extra special care of it, so it’s best if we don’t play with it, okay baby?”

“I didn’t know,” Tracy pouts.

“Oh we know, sweetie,” Kurt kisses her forehead. “You’re not in trouble and we’re not mad at you. If anything, it’s Daddy’s fault for not taking care of his _extra special toy_,” Kurt snickers and Blaine lets out an indignant huff.

“C’mere,” Blaine holds out his arms for Tracy, passing the dildo off to Kurt behind her back when she crawls into his lap. Kurt takes time to really look at it, and nearly doubles over in abundant laughter when he realizes Tracy dressed the dildo in a tiny barbie dress. A _fucking_ dress.

“Want to go eat some yummy pancakes?” Blaine distracts cheerfully and Tracy’s face lights up, prior embarrassment forgotten.

“Yes!”

The rest of their day is beautiful, a picnic at the park for lunch and a trip to the movie theater after dinner. It’s only when Tracy’s settled in bed that Kurt finally lets his laughter consume him, laying on their bed and gasping for breath as he laughs so hard tears gather in his eyes.

Blaine, who seemed so keen on laughing earlier, has a less than amused frown on his face as he pulls his polo shirt over his head. “We’re horrible parents, Kurt.”

“Oh, come on, we’re not horr-”

“We left a _cock_ out for our child to play with! A nine inch cock!”

“Okay, maybe _one_ of us is a horrible parent.”

“I didn’t know she was going to find it,” Blaine splutters, falling down on the bed and burying his face into the mattress with a groan, his body splayed out like a starfish. Kurt purrs a little at the expanse of smooth, tanned skin in front of him, trailing his fingers up and down Blaine’s warm back while his giggles continue to bubble through him. Blaine’s head pops up abruptly. “When did she even go in there? Did you see her go in there?”

“Blaine,” Kurt laughs, wiping away a hysterical tear. “Calm down, sweetie. It’s not like she knew what it was.”

“Nine inches, Kurt! What are we, _animals_?”

Kurt quirks an eyebrow. “Are you just _now_ realizing you own a nine inch dildo, honey?”

“Don’t call it _mine_ as if you don’t beg me to shove it in yo-”

“Jesus, Blaine!” Kurt cries, putting a finger over his lips and giggling further when Blaine bites at his fingertip. “Seriously though, you haven’t exactly been embarrassed about it before,” Kurt smirks, swirling his fingertips around the dimples at the base of Blaine’s spine, just above the waistband of his pajama pants.

“Yeah, well, seeing it in our six year old daughter’s hands kind of puts things in perspective, don’t you think, Kurt?”

Kurt bites his lip to keep from laughing again, trying to be sympathetic to Blaine’s concern, but he falters when Blaine lets out a snort and drops his face back on the bed.

“I was just putting it there to dry,” he whines and Kurt pets through his hair, frizzy with untamed curls.

“Blaine, this kind of thing was bound to happen at some point. It’s a horribly awkward yet unavoidable part of raising kids.”

Blaine says nothing, but cranes his head further into Kurt’s hand where he’s massaging his scalp, and Kurt smiles wide at his adorable husband. Suddenly Blaine rolls onto his back and grasps a fistful of Kurt’s pajama shirt, pulling him down to lay on top of him.

Kurt leans down and kisses him slowly, Blaine’s lips soft and plump and deliciously wet under his tongue, shivering when Blaine strokes his thumbs over Kurt’s hips.

“I don’t actually think you’re a horrible parent, you know that right?” Kurt asks, pulling back a little and feeling a hot clench in his stomach when Blaine lifts his neck to chase after Kurt’s mouth with swollen lips.

“I’m glad one of us feels that way,” Blaine says dramatically.

“But we do have to get rid of that toy now,” Kurt admits regretfully, pecking a kiss to Blaine’s nose. Blaine nearly sends Kurt flying off the bed with how fast he sits up, affronted.

“_What?_ No! That’s my favorite one!”

“I’m not using a cock my child has held, Blaine!”

“It was clean!”

“Nope,” Kurt shakes his head, walking his fingers up Blaine’s chest and pushing him back down, settling over his broad chest. “Admit defeat. This is your fault.”

“Ugh, _fine_. Can we at least buy a new one?”

Kurt grins, sucking a kiss to Blaine’s neck before replying, “Sure. As soon as we have a discussion about the appropriate places to leave adult toys.”

Blaine rolls his eyes, but there's a smile edging at his lips when he grabs Kurt’s sides with tickling fingers and flips him over, tackling him to the bed.

**Author's Note:**

> This is something I wrote to try and help me clear my writers block. (Round two in the last month. *frustrated scream*)
> 
> As soon as I'm over it, I promise I'll update my AU fic! It really does not want to be written but I'm determined to push through!
> 
> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed! As always, comments and kudos are greatly appreciated! <3


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